


No Matter I tell you, This Is what I feel has to happen

by LegendsofSnark



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:25:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7677199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendsofSnark/pseuds/LegendsofSnark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winn knows this isn't right, James knows too.</p><p>*ON HIATUS*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

1/8  

 

 

They’ve been trying to say good night for the last twenty minutes but Winn can’t pull away, he finds his hands slipping into James’ jacket and under his t-shirt, his mouth tracing his boyfriend’s (can he call him that? They’re not exactly together) scratch that, boy who’s a friend’s neck as he massages his stomach, feeling the traction in James’ pants.    

 

When Winn’s world is falling apart and it has been for as long as he can remember; When Winn knows that he has nothing in this world and no one, he knows that he has James Olsen.   Forever and always.  

 

James is his safety net.  

 

“Winn, I’ve got to go. Lucy…”  James says and they both know that if he’s late meeting Lucy nothing won’t happen.   “Lunch Winn…”   She won’t break up with him.  

 

She never does.   He presses Winn up against the window of his office, thankful that no one is around.    “She won’t mind.“ He nips at James’ exposed flesh and leaving what he’s sure to be a hickey in the morning. "She never does. Come back to mine.”   Winn pushes against James’ erection, causing the man to moan into the kiss.   “I can’t–we can’t. After I leave Lucy’s we’re needed back at Cat Co. You know how Cat Grant is if we’re late.”   Winn pushes off James, causing the taller man to pout slightly and it was kind of adorable.   “You’re right ”

 

He runs a hand through his short hair and he sighs, taking in James who’s trying to will his erection down.  "You’re absolutely right. We should—We should go. You should go.“  

 

"Winn—”  

 

Winn leans over and kisses him. “Plus I forgot my sister is in National City. She wants to see me. It’s been a while.”   It’s a lie. He had seen his sister last week after she hit him up for cash.  

James tenses. “Winn. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  

 

Winn’s older sister had always been the subject of everyone in National City for as long as either man can remember. She’s not exactly a good woman and James hates the woman with a passion.  

 

“I haven’t seen her in nearly a year James.”   “And the last time you did you wouldn’t speak to me or Kara for six weeks.”  

 

“James. She’s my sister.”  

 

James pulls him close to him and kisses his head.  

 

“I want you to be careful when you’re around her Winn.”  

 

Winn doesn’t respond.  

 

××××  

 

When Winn comes into his apartment he notices the lights are on and when he remembers, he did turn them off when he left and the only other person who has keys are his sister.   He stills. Hoping like hell that he isn’t in. As much as he told James that he wanted to spend time with his sister it was more of a lie than anything.   His sister was the last person that he wanted to see at the moment.   He picks up the brass candle stick that sits next to the door and walks towards the noise that’s coming from his kitchen.   There’s music playing in distance, soft, familiar music.   When he looks in, he lowers his hand and his heart relaxes.   Barry Allen is causally lounging against the counter as music plays and something is simmering on the stove.  Winn drops the candle stick, allowing it to crash against the floor and alert Barry to his presence.  

 

“Aren’t superheros supposed to be the good guys? How’d you even get in here?”   Winn walks closer. Those familiar feelings coming back to him, the memories. The ones of when he first met Barry, The man from another world, another earth and how the two connected.   The first kiss that they had shared; The first time they laid up together, the first time before he and James had begun what it was that they started, the first time that Winn had thought that everything was going to be okay for him.   But then Barry sped out of his life, never to be able to get in contact with him again.   At least until now.  

 

“The land lady let me in. Told her I was your boyfriend and her face lit up. Said it was about time a nice young man tamed you and joyfully let me in.”   Barry moves from the counter and meets Winn half way. It’s awkward between them. They stare at each other before Barry pulls him into a hug.   Winn inhales his scent, hugging him back.  

 

“I’ve missed you.” Barry says, squeezing harder.  

 

“I know that I left and didn’t give you a way to contact me but how did you expect that to go down? I was on a different earth. I don’t even vibe on the same frequency as you Winn.”  

 

Winn pulls back, taking in Barry’s form. He’s not that lanky anymore. He’s actually built more muscle tone and it’s a nice look but he likes the twink vibe that Barry gave off. He misses being able to allow Barry to wear his clothes.  

 

Now it’s the other way around.   “I know but things have been a little stressed for me lately and you’ve always been a good reliever of that.”  

 

“Yeah I’ve been told that once or twice.”  

 

“So, what’s for dinner?”  

 

÷÷÷

 

They eat in silence. Every so often Winn glances over at Barry to make sure that he’s still there, that he won’t speed off again and leave him alone with his thoughts.   “I want to kiss you.” Winn states after an hour of eating in silence. He turns to Barry, shifting up slightly and kissing his…or trying to when Barry tilts his head and Winn’s lips meet Barry’s cheek.  

 

“I can’t Winn. Not anymore.”  

 

Winn frowns. “Why not?”  

 

“I’m kind of with someone. Someone I’ve loved for a long time and I can’t.”   Winn moves back into his space. Not letting the hurt show on his face.   “Then why did you come back?”  

“Because I wanted to be friends Winn. To let you know. We can be friends. That’s about it. I hope I didn’t—”  

 

“No. You didn’t.”  

 

÷÷÷÷  

 

_-Can you come over?_ \-  

 

_-Can’t._ _Lucy made plans for dinner. Maybe tomorrow. Sounds good?-_

 

_‘I’ll be busy. I’ll text when I can’_   He tosses the phone to the side of the bed and stuffs his face into the pillow.   Maybe he was meant to be alone.  

 

÷÷÷

 

  “You alright?” Winn is sitting alone in a bar almost a week later. He hasn’t spoken to James all week and when he saw him at Cat Co, He ignored him completely. He hasn’t even spoken to Kara either.   The man sits next to Winn. He’s handsome and Winn is sure that he’s seen him before. He just can’t place where. 

 

“I’m fine.” Winn retorts. “Just a bad week.”  

 

The man nods.

 

“I know that feeling. My boyfriend just—he sacrificed himself to save me and our friends.”  

 

Winn doesn’t exactly know what to say to that.   So he says the only thing he knows.   “I’m sorry.”  

 

“I’m…okay. It’s okay.”  

 

The man holds out a hand. “Raymond Palmer.”

 

  Winn takes it. “Winn Schott Jr. Wait! Palmer? As in…?”  

 

“Yeah.”  

 

“What are you doing in national city?”   Ray shrugs.  

 

“Escaping reality. Escaping my troubled life.”  

 

Winn raises his glass, a sickening expression on his face as he remembers what he’s drinking for. “I Second that. Let me buy you a drink.”   Ray shakes his head. “I’ve got to drive back to Star City. I shouldn’t drink.”  

 

“Star City is nearly a thousand miles away. Are you insane?”   Ray grins. It’s not playful but sad a little. “Jury’s out.”  

 

“Stay with me for awhile. I mean you just lost someone you loved. Take a vacation, stay with me and I’ll show you around National City.”  

 

“I don’t know. I don’t even know you.”   “I can’t be worse than the guys you do know.”   Winn has read up on Ray Palmer..He knows the type that he hangs out with. Like play boy Oliver Queen.   “That is true.”   Winn orders another round, the two men getting to actually know each other before stepping out into the cool night air of National City.   “I’ve met the flash.” Winn states. “And he’s fantastic.”   “He’s a personal friend of mine.” Ray adds. He takes a sip of his beer.   “So you know Barry Allen?”   Ray peeks out at him over the mug. “You know his true identity?”  

 

“Want to know a secret?”   Ray nods.  

 

“I’ve slept with him too.”  

 

They burst out laughing, light drops of beer sloshing onto the ground.  

 

“Winn?”   Both men stop.  

 

Winn looks in the direction of the voice and stills when he sees James coming his way.   Kara and Lucy on his heels.  

 

“James.” Winn responds.  

 

“What are you doing here? Kara said that you were sick.”  

 

James looks between Winn and Ray, not missing how close the two men are sitting and Ray’s hand slightly touching Winn’s.   “I was but then I got a little better and you know, fresh air does you good.”  

 

“Then why don’t the two of you join us? I’m sure we have more room at our table.”   Winn wants to object.   He’s been having a good time with Ray and he doesn’t want that spoiled but Ray looks almost enthusiastic as he looks at Winn’s friends.  

He sighs.   “Sure."

 

÷÷  

 

Winn should have said no. He should have said that he and Ray were having a nice time alone and gone back to his place and slept, or watched netflix or something.  

 

But no.  

 

Now he was sitting here at the table, Lucy wrapped in James’ arms while James’ attention was on him and Ray and Kara had hit up the dance floor, putting everyone who was out there to shame.  

 

Winn takes another long gulp of his long island iced tea.  

 

"Don’t you think you’ve had enough Winn?” James states, there’s more concern in his voice than anything.   “I haven’t had enough.”  

“People only drink like that when they’re escaping something. Are you escaping something Winn?”  

 

Lucy asks and there’s concern in her voice as well and he can’t be mean towards her.   She didn’t do anything wrong.   If anything, if she knew the truth.   I’m fucking your boyfriend.  

“Just some relationship problems. Barry Allen came back into town last week and told me that we can’t be anything more than friends.”   They knew about that relationship. The entire DEO did seeing as half the place had caught them in the storage closet.  

 

James hadn’t been too happy about that.  

 

“I’m—Sorry.” James says and he’s not. There’s a glint in his eyes. He’s grateful that Barry said what he said.   

 

“It’s fine.”  

 

“Well,” Lucy begins. “You and Ray seem to be getting close.”  

 

“He just lost his boyfriend. I’m not going to chase after him. If anything I think I’m going to swear off men for a while. You know, they’re nothing but trouble.”  

 

James opens his mouth but quickly closes it.  

 

Winn stares at him. Eyes unyielding but telling what he needs to say.   That means you too James   We have to stop   I can’t do this   I can’t love you and you love her more   We have to end this   We can’t be together anymore  

 

“Does that include women too? Because if you’re just swearing off men I know a wonderful woman who’s looking. She’s pansexual,  about 5'1, black hair and she’s a magician. Her name is Zatanna.”  

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys....
> 
> I'm sorry I had this in my drafts!

Lucy continues to go on and on about her friend and though he’s not interested wholly, he’ll give her a chance and maybe meet a new friend out of it.  

 

He needs the distraction.  

Kara and Ray stumble over minutes later, Ray looking as though he’s going to puke.  

“I think it’s time for Ray to get back to his hotel.” Kara smiles. “I can take him if you can’t Winn.”  

He shakes his head. “Actually he was staying with me tonight. Seems we have a mutual friend, Barry Allen and I told him that he can stay with me instead of the hotel.”  

It’s not a complete lie but they don’t need the whole truth.  

“I’ll take them.” James offers already standing up and fishing out his car keys. He walks with Kara to the exit.  

“I’m sorry that he’s leaving.” Winn offers to Lucy.  

She only smiles.  “Its fine. I’m sure Kara and I can entertain ourselves.”  

 

×××  

 

“So, are you going to take Lucy up on her offer and date Zatanna?”  

It’s the first word James has said in the car and it makes Winn uneasy.  

“Like I told her, I’m done with men for awhile.”  

“Does that include me?”  

No.  

Of course not.  

“Yes.”  

James grips the steering wheel tighter.  

“I don’t want to end things Winn. I do love you.”  

“And I love you but you have Lucy and I can’t keep coming in second. Not to Lucy, and not to whoever Barry is in love with. I need to find someone who will put me first.”  

James reaches out and touches Winn’s knee.  

He takes a deep breath and looks behind him, Ray is passed out.  

“Don’t leave me.”  

“We can still be friends James.”  

“We were already friends. I don’t want to lose you.”  

“You did, when this thing started. You love Lucy. I get that and I can’t come between the two of you. Not anymore. She’s the one you love and I respect that.”  

James grips his knew tighter. “I love you too.”  

“But not as much as her.”  

Winn moves his knee, shaking his grip off.  

This has to be done.  

He has to do this for him.  

“We can go back to how things were when we first met, when Kara….back to that first time of helping her save National City.”  

“I don’t want to go back to that Winn.”  

“I do. Doing this, you cheating on Lucy isn’t fair and it isn’t right and I can’t sit by and watch you hurt her. She’s a nice girl, she doesn’t deserve what we’re doing to her, and you know that.”  

“I do know that and I… Winn…”  

“No. It’s better this way. It has to be done and you know that. We’ve done this too long and it has to end now.”  

“One night.” James says. “Can we at least have one night together before we stop and continuing being friends? That’s all I ask of you.”  

Winn considers it for a moment. He sighs.   “Okay. Tomorrow night. Come by mine and—”  

“Yeah. I know.”

___  

There’s soft moans, Winn is pushed against the bed, legs wrapped around James’ waist as he thrusts into him gently.  

This is the longest either man has been like this.  

Usually when they’re together James is rushing. The longest before this that he’s stayed in Winn was fifty - five minutes.    

This takes the cake.  

For the last two hours James has stayed in, willing himself to keep going. Wanting this to last. He wouldn’t have him anymore after this. Wouldn’t inhale his scent.  

Winn isn’t tired either.  

If anything he’s just as motivated as James.  

“I love you Winn.” He gasps out in between everything that he’s giving Winn.  

But he doesn’t love him as much as he loves Lucy.   

I love you too  

___  

Winn says goodbye to James who resists the urge to pull him into another kiss, to initiate another round. He’s standing at his car, eyes glued to Winn.  

“We’ll still see each other James. We’re still friends.”

___  

Months pass before Winn can find a comfortable pace with James again.  

It’s still a little weird but they’re good. They joke and play around and often times James’ hand would linger on his shoulder and grip it tightly.  

The date with Zatanna didn’t go over well and the two actually ended up disagreeing on a lot of things and a friendship couldn’t even come out of that and instead he found himself wandering towards Ray, who moved to National City, bringing his company with him.  

That’s how Valentines Day found Ray and Winn, along with Lucy, James, Kara and a new guy at Cat Co named Daniel all sitting down at one of the local restaurants, entertaining and perusing.  

Kara and Lucy had dragged Daniel to the dance floor, the flustered intern had looked nervous as two of the prettiest girls began dancing with him.  

“So” James began, he’s been eying Ray and Winn all night, not liking Ray’s hand around Winn one bit.  

“You two are actually together then.”  

Ray nods, the giant puppy wearing a bright smile on his face. “Yeah. I needed to move on and Winn, he was there for me. We have so much in common and it’s a perfect match.”  

“I would bet so. But you know they say opposites attract and being with someone who’s exactly like you can get boring….very easily.”  

Winn knows this game.  

He’s played it multiple times in the beginning when he and James hooked up. James wasn’t the only master of it.  

“But you know…” Winn interrupts. “Being with someone who’s so different than you can be dangerous. Two minds that don’t mesh well Interacting, how dull. What would you even talk about?”  

Ray nods. “But it’s also good. I mean Lenny was so different than I was. He was a criminal and I was a hero. But we worked well together. When it came down to it, he’d do anything to protect me.”  

James grins. “In the end, the one who’s different will be the one who would put their life on the line for the one that they love.”  

Ray just nods, agreeing with James and not knowing that the comment was directed at their budding relationship.    

“I need to some fresh air.” Winn suddenly shouts as he jumps up from the table, hitting his knee against the wood and rushing off.

He ignores the calls from Ray as he shouts after him.  

He doesn’t know why but he needs to get out, now. Suddenly everything is suffocating him and it scares him.  

He’s in the back of the club, throwing up behind a dumpster and reliving everything in his mind.  

He shouldn’t be like this. His life shouldn’t be like this.  

“You alright Winn?”  

It’s James. Not Ray. He should have known that he would come and check on him.   “I need to go home.”  

Arms wrap around his middle and Winn wants to pull away, tell him that this isn’t right but he can’t find the strength.  

“I’ll take you.”  

Winn doesn’t shake him off as James leads him to his car.

__  

“I thought I said my home.” Winn says as he flops down on James’ couch. The other man hands him a towel to rest over his forehead.   

“You’re not feeling well. If you think I’m going to leave you alone you’re mistaken. I’ll take you home in the morning.”  

James sits next to him.  

“Ray will be worried.”  

“I’m sure he won’t be.”  

“He’s my boyfriend James. He’s going to be worried.”  

James leans over and kisses Winn. “If he was worried, he would have come after you instead of me.”  

“How do I know that he didn’t try? You can manipulate yourself into any situation my dear James.”  

James chuckles. “Alright so I did. What was I supposed to do?”  

“Let my boyfriend check on me. That’s what.”  

“What do you see in that guy anyway? He’s a loser.”  

“He’s a genius. He’s smart and funny and we have lots to talk about. It’s more than sex with us.”  

“But is the sex as amazing as it is with us?”   James moves his hands towards Winn’s thighs.  

“I miss you and I know that you miss me. Just once more, come on. One last time and that’s all.”  

“You said that last time. Last time was the last time.”  

“I know. But I can’t—With you, I just can’t. ”   He presses a kiss to Winn’s neck. It sends a shiver down his back as he stares into James’ eyes. He sees what he’s always seen when he looks at him.  

Love, admiration, want.  

The thing he’s always been lacking with any other relationship.  

All of those can’t stack up to what he’s feeling for James.  

And it hurts him that a single man can make him feel this way.  

No man should have this much power over him.  

But the question remains:

Once more can’t hurt, can it?


End file.
